Living With Edgar's dying

The moment I started working at Joe's was the moment Edgar took me under his wing and watched out for me. Edgar had an hugely endearing ability to make me laugh which was priceless. No matter how stressful a situation he could always find away to just laugh at it. He protected me like a little sister and opened up with me like a best friend. It was amazing how instantaneous it all occurred. One of those rare and blessed events where you feel that instant kinship, kind of like love... it can be quite scary. Friendship for me would never be the same again. Life would never be the same again.

Edgar was beautiful in every sense of the word, from Puerto Rico  his blond hair unique and his blue eyes ignited a gorgeous spark. A spark so intense you could feel electricity from him surely Edgar loved being alive. It was a quality we shared although my love for life would only grow after all we shared.To be honest I did not have a lot of exposure to the gay community since Las Vegas is a really  cowboy redneck kinda town. None of this really mattered what did was love, good love and hey we only have two choices given to us boy or girl.


Daily work routine often included Edgar noticing a cute guy behind the pantry counter top, happily playing or flirting."Ha-day, oh Ha-day!" (Spanish pronunciation, like "Jesus")  "Haday, chew know dat cute guy, right dare (pointing at a guest in my section)- he is fabulous!" next he put a plate in front of me and saying "dis peice of cheesecake is for heem!" I would next venture fourth with my cheesecake or whatever sweet treat to comp my guest, and by the end of the night raking in the bucks I felt very content inside myself since I had just relocated from a difficult situation and there where 3 three of us,a huge change and I was completely and successfully independent, it would be okay, course- I knew that, lol. 

My brain clearly sees his face even if I do not have a photo of him.   I can clearly hear his voice still and the  Ricky Ricardo accent making me smile. He loved to talk about sex, and I loved that about him and anyone who enjoys life while not taking it serious. So many people have such a hang ups about sex, not Edgar! He would tell me his tales of life- love entanglements. Things that I did not actually do invariably where vicariously lived out through my sweet Edgar.I was living in the Richmond District of San Fransisco which is located directly north of Golden Gate park. Like any big city it can be scary and intimidating. Although I have a pretty fearless outlook on life, I was not in my own element and therefore needed to heed some caution.

Edgar, my true friend would even loyally escort me home each night. The walk entailed passing through San Fransisco's famed  Tenderloin district.  with Edgar's final destination being Oakland it took a whopping 3 more buses followed by a Bart, both ways. As you can imagine with all the time we spent together a very strong friendship pretty fast. We continued to bond like great friends do, we shared our hopes and our fears, we shared sad and tragic parts of our lives, we shared things I once preferred stay a secret, he was my best friend. He was definitely my gay husband! No matter what else could happen I knew that every night after work he would escort me home. 

Inevitably I had to move to Seattle  had being the operative word here. I loved San Fransisco and hated to leave, only their was no choice. (That is another story of child custody and abduction.) So, I moved to Bellevue, Washington to take care of an epic situation. Amidst all of this the O.J. Simpson trial was constantly playing in the background. I found some time to call Edgar one Sunday afternoon to see how he was doing. When he answered the phone he was amazed to hear I was calling of my own volition. Edgar explained that he called 2 days earlier, and it turned out my son had forgotten to tell me. 

As soon as he spoke, I could tell something was wrong how wrong I could never have envisioned. He first began by sharing his choice to call was important that everyone he needed to contact, he would contact this day and that some things he needed to say today. Whoa, this was serious. "Ha-day" he said "I wanted to let you know I went to the doctor's office and I found out I have this AIDS thingy-choo you know?" his voice was raspy, gentle. I could not speak, I did not know how to. He continued saying "and you know that means I am going to die." I searched for my brain's portrayal of the English language, searching for words to say. What do I say? 

Spilling out of nowhere words clearly gushed out "Edgar, I could  fly down to see you, anytime, I could fly out soon?" (because I love you and I can not imagine going into the next moment without hearing you) What Edgar said next took me by surprise,"My Ha-day why do you want to see me?" his voice sounded incredulous words stammering out "I whood  dat I wish dat I cood see choo," he continued in his sweet gentle voice, no longer sounding incredulous, "I whood wanchoo too, but I would not have hasked

choo to."  That broke my heart and still does.

His voice lowered to a bare whisper I still recall saying, "choo know I yav lost mucho weight si, mucho hair eaze gone now, I am not dee Edgar choo once knew"I couldn't believe what he was saying my heart unable to comprehend it. It seemed that while I could not imagine not being able to see him he could not imagine why I would want to. Edgar was  genuinely confused  "I can fly out this weekend." that blunt insistence and soon my life would begin to grow in leaps and bounds.